


Doubt (Bucky One-shot)

by avengerofyourheart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Nightmares, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11584029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengerofyourheart/pseuds/avengerofyourheart
Summary: Summary: A competition about who loves the other more reveals a deeper, sadder truth.





	Doubt (Bucky One-shot)

_Chime._

You paused for a moment, tangled in an impossible dress that Natasha insisted you try on. Where the hell were the sleeves in this thing? Defeated, you decided to pull the dress off over your head and reassess the sleeves/neck hole/straps situation. Only Nat would find interest in such a complicated article of clothing.

_Chime._

Freed from the cloth, you smoothed down your hair and took another look at the dress.

_Chime._

"If you don't answer that damn phone, I'm gonna smash it," the redhead bellowed from the changing room next door.

"Alright, alright! Calm down..." you muttered, plucking your phone from the pocket of your purse and swiping to unlock it. There was a string of texts from Bucky and you smiled. The first was asking what you wanted for dinner, the second asking if he should rent a movie tonight, and then the last few were typical concerned Bucky.

_Babe?_

_Everything okay???_

_?????_

Your boyfriend of over a year was a worrier. He knew you always had your phone with you so any delay in answering put him in panic mode. Even in situations where you knew you wouldn't be able to respond, you tried to let him know beforehand. Nat found it overbearing, but you knew more about Bucky than almost anyone. His mind often ran away from him, leading to worst case scenarios that never came to pass, but still valid in his own head. So you did your best to ease his worries.

Pecking out a reply, you pressed send and dropped your phone back in your purse.

"There, you happy?" you yelled over the partition.

"Ecstatic," came the sarcastic reply.

One more attempt at the straight-jacket-esque dress and you groaned in frustration, dropping the undoubtedly expensive dress on the floor. "I give up!"

Throwing on your own blessedly simple clothing, you exited the dressing room and knocked on the neighboring door.

"This store is NOT for me, Nat. I'm heading back. Are you done?"

"Ugh. Fine. You go ahead. Quitter."

You smirked, "Whatever you say...I'll see you back at the tower."

______

Pulling the key from the lock, you entered your shared apartment and dropped your bag on the entry table. Before you could even register his presence, Bucky had you in his arms, lifting you off your feet in a crushing embrace.

"You're home," he breathed into your neck.

"I'm home," you said with a smile.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," you echoed.

"I love you more," he declared.

You chuckled, "I love you most."

"Uh uh," Bucky disagreed, finally pulling away. "Dinner's about ready."

"Okay. Just let me change."

He pressed a kiss to your temple before returning to the kitchen.

_____

After dinner, you settled on the couch, pressed into Bucky's side with his arm around you. Some action movie was flickering on the tv screen, which wasn't your favorite but it was Bucky's choice tonight. Snuggling into his warmth further, you tucked your head under his chin and breathed in his musky scent: sandalwood with a hint of peppermint. He pressed a kiss into your hair and brushed his flesh hand lazily across your back.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you," he spoke quietly, the words rumbling in his chest against your ear.

Smiling, you cut to the chase, "I love you most."

"Nope..." he said with an almost sad tone in his voice.

Pausing the movie, you sat up to face him.

"Bucky...why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"In our silly little competition in who loves whom more, you always disagree with me. Why?"

He let out a deep sigh, dropping his head onto the back cushions of the couch. "I don't....we don't have to...."

"No," you gently stopped him. "Bucky, please tell me."

"Because...it's true," he confessed at a whisper.

"What?" you asked in shock.

"It's true," he said, finally turning your way. "I'm always going to love you more. I know that. It's okay."

Blinking in confusion, you sputtered, "I don't....what're you...what does that mean? That I don't love you enough? Or...or..."

"No! It's not that, it's..." he took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. "I feel so lucky to have you, Y/N. Part of me still doesn't believe that this is real. That I get to love you and kiss you and hold you....I just...my brain doesn't..."

You could tell he was having a difficult time, placing a hand on his chest for comfort.

With a deep breath, he started again, "My brain isn't wired to let me believe you. It's...part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That you were never mine and this was all a ruse. I'm always going to doubt myself. Doubt...this. Us. I worry that I'll push you away with my needy texts or come home to an empty apartment because I've had one nightmare too many. It's all too...good. I'm not sure I'll ever feel deserving of you and the one certainty I can hold on to is that no matter what happens, I'll always love you." He exaggerated the last words, bleeding sincerity through every pore.

Sagging into the couch, you felt the weight of his confession in the already heavy silence. After a moment of reflection, you rose up on your knees and placed a hand on either side of his handsome face.

Holding his gaze as firmly as possible, you spoke in a clear and calm tone. "Bucky. I love you. I don't know how to break through those doubts, but with every fiber of my being, I'm going to try. You deserve happiness. You deserve this life. With me. And I'll be here making sure you know that every time your mind lies to you. You are mine, and I am yours. I'll be with you through it all. Okay?"

He blinked rapidly, moisture flooding his eyes. He pressed a kiss to your lips, not one of passion but of fierce emotion. Desperation. Bucky broke off the kiss, then pulling you into his lap to hold you as closely as humanly possible. You had seen his vulnerability before, but this was different. Raw.

You didn't know how long you clung to each other, but you knew that you wouldn't be the first to let go. Not until the doubt disappeared from his eyes and he believed you. No one could love you more than Bucky. And only you could love him most.


End file.
